Tasavertainen avioliittolaki ja lapsen etu | Equal Marriage Act and the interests of the child

Väestöliiton psykologi Lotta Heiskanen kiteyttää hyvin avioliittolain uudistamisen merkityksen ja lapsen edun sateenkaariperheissä, joissa perheen (laillinen) asema on taattu.

“Sukupuoli tai seksuaalinen suuntautuneisuus eivät kasvata lasta, vaan vanhemmat ihmisinä kasvattavat. Perheen ihmissuhteissa sisältö on tärkeämpää kuin muoto. Riittävän myötäelävä, turvaa ja hoivaa antava, suojaavia rajoja asettava ja itsenäistymisen mahdollistava kasvatus ei ole vanhemman sukupuolesta kiinni.”
Eipä tuota asiaa voi paremmin tuoda esiin ja korostaa!

Koko blogipostauksen voit lukea täältä!

There is a great blog post (in Finnish) about the equal marriage act (same-sex marriage law) and the interests of the child by the psychologist of the Family Federation of Finland Laura Heiskanen. The best quote (freely translated) on that post is:

“Gender or sexual orientation will not raise a child, but the parents as human beings do. In relationships within the family, the content is more important than the form. Empathetic, secure and care-giving, protective boundaries setting and independence enabling parenting isn’t based on parents gender!”

Olemme edelleen hengissä..! / We’re still alive..!

Blogissamme on ollut luvattoman pitkä tauko sitten viimeisen postauksen. Koliikki vaivaa edelleen, vaikka Neiti M täytti viime viikolla jo 3kk. Kävimme 3kk neuvolan jälkeisenä päivänä erikseen lääkärin vastaanotolla. Ainoana neuvona toistaiseksi tuli vain Nutrilon:in (maidonsakeuttaja, sopii “herkkävatsaisille”) poistaminen ruokavaliosta vastikkeen lisukkeena. Kolmen viime vuorokauden aikana tämä ei ole mitenkään muuttanut tilannetta.
Eli nyt jatkamme edelleen Nutrilonin käyttämistä korvikkeen kanssa (40% veteen sekoitettua jauhetta ja 60% korviketta per pullollinen/annos).

Äiti A on pikkuneidin kanssa päivät kotona ja meillä ei olla edelleenkään päästy pitkiin päiväuniin (päikkärit ovat kerrallaan max. tunnin pituisia) joten päivät ovat pätkittäisiä ja Äiti B on ollut kiireinen töissä (pahimmillaan 10h työpäiviä) ja sitten kotona on odottanut väsynyt vaimo ja vielä väsyneempi ja itkuinen/mahakipuinen vauva (eli päivän “työvuoro nro. 2” alkaa kotona…).

Meillä kyllä on paljon päivitettävää ja uusia ihania kuvia, kunhan vaan ehtisi hetkeksi istua alas ja kirjoittaa (jotain fiksua). Mutta ehkä tämä tästä… Helpotus tilanteeseenhan saattaa olla ihan “kulman takana” ja sitten olisi aikaa jo hieman “harrastuksillekin”, kuten tämä kirjoittaminen (yritämme ajatella positiivisesti, tässä vaiheessa se on ainoa asenne joka saa jaksamaan…!). Nyt täytyy vain pitää vaan sormet ja varpaat ristissä! (ja yrittää olla lukematta niitä tarinoita joissa kerrotaan koliikin helpottaneen vasta 7kk iässä…).

Positiivisena asiana on se, että meidän perheen sisäisen adoption prosessi on ohi ja asia on vahvistettu, eli Äiti B on nyt virallisesti adoptioäiti ja laillisesti toinen virallinen vanhempi! 🙂 Mutta lisää siitä prosessista ja sen kulusta myöhemmin.

It’s been a long time since our last post. We’re still living with colic although Miss M just turned 3 months last week… but there are still no signs of things getting any easier.
And Mommy A is tired during the day cause she’s the one who’s doing all the night time feedings and getting baby to fall asleep during the evening/night. And since the little lady takes average of an hour naps at the time during the day, the baby is keeping her busy.
And Mommy B works from 8 to 10h per day and has “the second work time” at home after a busy day, cause the baby is fussy/crying/screaming most of the evening… So even a 5 minutes at the shower alone feels like luxury!

We had our 3 month check-up last Thursday (w/vaccinations) and we got an appointment for pediatrics Doc. for the next morning. The only thing she had in mind, was that we should just use formula and remove Nutrilon from baby’s diet (but it’s the ingredient which some doctors believe will help w/colic and it’s designed for babies with tummy problems).

We tried to feed just the formula for 3 or 4 days, but she wasn’t eating as much as before and nothing changed, so we decided just to go back to the previous mix (40% of Nutrilon powder w/boiled water and 60% of formula on one dose/bottle). Cause we started to worry that she wouldn’t get enough food just from plain formula, since she eats rather small doses, but often, like every 2 to 3 hours…

So we’re still living one day at the time… But we hope that there would be a change for better soon, so we’d have again some time to do some other things than just take care of the baby 24/7… Even if we’d get her to sleep easier, we’d have a small moments for ourselves and more time to update this blog! Cause we have tons of stories (we do also have good, happy and smiley moments in the middle of all this!) and some cute pics too!

So we hope that you all will stay tuned, cause there are more posts coming soon! (And with soon, we hope in a few days/a week!). But the good news are, that our 2nd parent adoption process is ready, so now Mommy B is an adoptive mom and legally the other parent (not just a guardian). But more about that process later!

8 weeks tomorrow!

For the last 6 weeks we’ve been kinda “busy” with everyday life and with colic… still! Little girl has been crying every night with clear signs of tummy pains at least for 3 hours, during the worst nights from 6 pm to 3 am, and one weekend I got to sleep around 4.30 am… And her daytime naps are very short, like half an hour and the maximum sleep time at night has been 4 hours straight at best.

Our friends borrowed us a nice bouncing/vibrating bouncer/babysitter (by Fisher Price) which also has and extra “toy bar” which includes some nice polarbears, a turtle and colorful fish parts with music and moving parts (and the “songs” aren’t that bad either, and it’s not the same one tune over and over again!). Baby has been very happy with the bouncer, especially because or the vibrating/bouncing, cause it seems to help a bit for those colic symptoms. And it’s way more comfy to sit like at the livingroom with us than the car seat we’ve been using before. So we’d highly recommend this (kinda) product for any parents with a newborn (even if you don’t have colic!).

We’ve also changed our previous milk formulas (Nan and Arla Organic baby) a bit and added also Nutrilon Omneo (a product by Nutrica) which is a powder formula designed for babies with colic or other problems with normal basic fromulas. Even with the right dosing (water and powder), it seems to be a bit more “heavier” then normal formula, so we’ve mixed it (like 60/40) with those basic milk formulas, so it’s easier to feed from the bottle.
Since Mommy A isn’t breastfeeding, it never even started properly (cause of the c-section and since Miss M spent first 3 days at the NICU), and at home with all the colic and crying&screaming we totally gave up and anyway there would’ve not been enough milk coming anyway.

And we don’t even have enough energy to care what some other mom’s or nurses are thinking. Since she’s growing very well (she’s at +3 line at the growth chart with both height and weight!), and eating well even with colic, we came to the conclusion, that the most important thing is that the baby eats, no matter if it’s bereastmilk or formula!
And we also believe that a baby with enough stress with her tummy already, doesn’t need any more stress with the idea that we would’ve tried to only feed her with breastmilk. Many people have commented that “it just needs time and patience, and then the milk starts coming and baby will get all the milk from mommy”! We’ll we told them previously that they are more than welcome to come and see how we tried that with a screaming baby, many many times!

Since the colic symptoms started, we bought all those “gas-drops” recommended by professionals to ease the colic symptoms (in Finland those are Cuplaton, Kuplastop and Disflatyl and those contain dimethicone and simethicone, there is some difference between those two ingredients). At first it seemed that Cuplaton (dimethicone) was helping but after few weeks trying both of these products, it seemed that the symptoms were only getting worse! (and all these meds are like $20 per bottle… so for us, it was all waste of the money… and time/nerves!). The best “results” have so far been with Nutrilon powder,and since the price per litre for ready formula is the same as any other, it’s been the best decision to give it a try! So we have a little less crying & pains and a little more sleep! 🙂

(Nutrica also has fromula powders like for milk- and/or soy allergy, but those products are way more expensive. Though you can buy those from like any supermarket, if your baby really has even symptoms of allergy, you can get a prescription from the doc and get it way cheaper from the pharmacy, at least here in Finland!)

Invisible family campaign by Allout.org

I just signed a petition to the European Union calling on them to ensure mutual recognition of same-sex families and their parental ties to their children, no matter where they are in the European Union.

Although most countries in the EU allow same-sex couples to marry or enter into registered partnerships, they don’t mutually recognise these families. That means that same-sex parents often lose all rights and legal authority over their kids as soon as they set foot in a different country.

Will you join me and stand up for all the same-sex families in the European Union and their kids, who need to be fully recognised and protected, no matter where they are?


Se K-sana | The C Word

Muutaman viikon tauko on päässyt tapahtumaan sitten edellisen postauksen… tosin ihan hyvästä syystä, sekä positiivisessa että negatiivisessa mielessä…

Meillä on nyt kaunis pieni kolmevikkoinen tyttö, joka viime maanantaina (12.8.) neuvolassa punnittiin ja mitattiin, ja pituutta on nyt jo 55cm ja painoa 4750g. Eli syntymästä on kolmessa viikossa tullut pituutta 4cm ja painoa lisää reilu 500g.

Meillä on nyt myös jo melkein kaksi viikkoa ollut “kylässä” ei niin mukava vieras, koliikki. Pikkuneiti syö hyvin (kuten jo painon noususta huomaa) mutta kivuliaat vatsavaivat itkettävät jatkuvasti, nukkuminen onnistuu 2-3h pätkissä kerrallaan ja iltaisin/öisin itku (tai se on kyllä lähempänä huutoa, “tavallinen” vauvan itku kuulostaisi “ihan mukavalta”…) on pahimmillaan. Huonoimpina hetkinä neiti on valvonut illalla 18-03 ja nukkunut sitten 03-06…herätäkseen taas uudelleen klo 06…

Meillä on käytössä cuplaton-tipat jokaisen ruokailun yhteydessä, röyhtäytellään useampaan kertaan jokaisen syötön aikana ja pikkuinen rauhottuu parhaiten syliin jatkuvaan heijaamiseen. Neuvolassakin puhuttiin asiasta ja vyöhyketerapia on oikeastaan ainoa “hoitomuoto” joka on vielä kokeilematta. Vastikettakin on jo vaihdettu.

Kaikki yrittävät kovasti lohdutella, että 3kk iässä tämä menee ohi. Helpottava tieto sinäänsä, ettei mistään vakavammasta (toivottavasti) ole kyse. Mutta nyt kun on kaksi viikkoa takana ja vielä ne 8 tai 9 edessä, niin ei auta ottaa kuin päivä kerrallaan. Oman univajeen ja jatkuvan huutamisen rinnalla kaikkein pahinta on kuitenkin se, kun näkee kuinka pieneen masuun sattuu ja asialle ei voi oikein tehdä mitään 😦 Eli tavallinen vauvoille tyypillinen “yökitinä” olisi kovin “mukavaa” tämän rinnalla…

Sen isompia “pulautteluja” tai oksentamista meillä ei ole ollut, joten tämä viittaisi siihen, että esim. refluksitaudista tai maitoallergiasta ei pitäisi olla kyse… Joten tässä varmaankin ensisijaisesti auttaa vain aika, oireiden lievitys ja pitkä pinna…! Joten jos sinulla on kokemusta koliikista ja etenkin sen “hoitokeinoista”, niin kaikki vinkit otetaan vastaan!

We’ve had a few weeks break from posting, now with a positive reason ❤ and also with a bit more negative one…

Now that we have a bit over 3 weeks old cutest little girl, we couldn't be happier! Last Monday she weighted 4750g/55cm (10.47lb / 1.8 ft). So she's growing well and fast. But during the last week or so, we've also had a "new visitor" in our household, a colic. Every parent who's ever had a colicky baby knows how it is and feels…

We've been using the "gas drops", changed formula once already, we burp her at least once during and after every feeding etc. She doesn't throw up/burp everything out, so according to our nurse, this doesn't seem like it could be reflux symptoms or milk allergy. But she's crying/screaming every night at least 3hrs and then sleeps 2 to 3h and then, even after feeding routine again, she can continue still after we swaddle her, gently rub her tummy or carry her closely in an upright position… So during the worst nights, she's been crying from 6pm to 3am when she falls to sleep to wake up at 6am again…!

Or she falls asleep between 9 to 10pm and sleeps like 2hrs and it takes another 2 to get her back to sleep. Car rides or pushing her around in her car seat/pram seems to calm her a bit, but you cant sleep and drive/walk at the same time, so there's gonna be atleast one very tired mommy (or mommies) even when she's sleeping…

And like many people tell you (and you can read it online too) that this will pass and will be over when she's around 3 months.. But almost 2 weeks behind now and 8 or more still to go doesn't sound so great… And it would be so much easier to handle this if you'd see/know that this is "just crying" or the baby would cry cause she's just over-tired or hungry. But it's so much harder when you see that the baby is more or less in pain and there isn't much you can do to help her (not much that we haven't tried already…). That's what hurts the most and is the roughest part of all this.

After all this, it feels (at least right now!) that it would be SO MUCH easier to live with the baby who would just be “cranky” during the evening (or night) and refuses to sleep etc. And before this, we thought that colic is something that's pretty rare or that there must be some certain reason and cure for this constant crying. But the surprise was, when this topic started to hit closer to home, the fact that this condition affects more or less 10 to 20% of otherwise healthy babies (without any other physical condition).

So if you've had (or your friend has had) a little one with colic and if you have any tips or tales how to survive better, do share!

Ensimmäiset päivät | Our first days as a family of 3

Tässä hieman tunnelmia viimeiseltä sairaalapäivältä ja ensimmäisestä päivästä kotona! Neiti M (emme tule tässä blogissa julkaisemaan tyttäremme nimeä ja toivomme, että vaikka juuri sinä sen tietäisitkin, et koskaan käytä sitä esim. kommenteissa tms.!) on “viihtynyt” hyvin ja ollut toistaiseksi “helppo vauva”, siihen verraten mitä tiedämme (itkee vain nälkää… Muuten on rauhallinen!).

Elämä on syömistä, vaipanvaihtoa ja nukkumista. Neiti nukkui jopa suurimman osan ensimmäisestä kylvetyksestään, eli ilmeisesti vesi on mieluisaa 😀

Here are some moments from the last day at the hospital and from the first day at home. Miss M (we're not gonna use our daughter's name on our blog, so if you happen to know her name and comment, please do not use it!) has been very happy and "easy" baby (so far, as we know, she’s only crying, well moaning, when she’s hungry!).

We've been just eating, changing diapers and sleeping. She slept almost through her first bath.. So we guess she loves to relax in the water 😀






She’s here! <3

Hand in hand with Mommy A.

Our beautiful little girl was born on July 23rd at 11.52pm, so a bit before midight! After 36h of induction and labor, the process was not getting anywhere (even after 3 doses of epidural and with almost maximum dose of oxytocine). So we made a bit hard decision with the doctors to go for c-section.

I (Mommy B) got to see our girl at the baby unit around 2am (July 24th) so like 2 hours after birth. She was, and still is, there because she still has some amniotic fluid in her lungs, but she should be ok pretty soon so she can get upstairs to the maternity ward! Mommy A got off from the OR around 3am and only got to see pics of the baby.

So we went yesterday morning to visit her together. She is the most beautiful baby for us! She weighted 4220g when she was born, so she ain’t a small one and she’s strong and can already hear well our familiar voices! Mommy A is still very sore after the c-section, but is in good hands at the hospital and she’s been able to walk quite nicely already!

So I just cant wait when the baby is ready to “move” to be with Mommy A at the bedside and also I can’t wait to know when my girls can come home! ❤
(Kuvassa näkyvä hetu on väliaikainen, ei oikea…)

She has big feet and long toes, just like her bio-mom (Mommy A)! And she’s 51cm “tall” already! (Don’t know if that’s a lot for a girl…). But anyway as an adult, the odds are, that she’ll be around 180cm tall… So if she’s skinny, she can be a model and if not, I guess she has some basketball skills in her genes! 😀

But we hope that we’ll have more good news later and that we can start a life together at home as soon as possible!

Viikko 34 | Week 34

Nyt on menossa rv 34 ja noin 7 viikkoa laskettuun aikaan. Tunnelmat ovat hyvin samanlaiset kuin ensimmäisen 12 viikon aikana… Tuntuu siltä että jokainen viikko kuluu aivan liian hitaasti! Onneksi ensi viikolla on viikko lomaa (koska töissä keskittyminen ei aina ole parasta…). Äiti A onkin nyt jo sitten loppuraskauden vielä muutaman viikon kesälomalla ja sitten siirtyy suoraan mammalomalle.

Tosin en itsekään tiedä että auttaisiko lomalla oleminen/kotona kökkiminen asiaa yhtään… Ja vielä kun tuntuu että kaikkialta tulee luettua että esikoiset menevät lähes poikkeuksetta yliaikaisiksi (tosin lähipiirissä on kaksi tämän kevään/kesän esikoista, jotka ovat molemmat syntyneet etuajassa…).

Eli ei kai tässä auta muuta kuin odotella… 🙂 Joku voisi sanoa että “nauttikaa nyt vielä viimeisistä viikoista kahdestaan, kun vielä saa olla rauhassa ja nukkua pitkät yöunet”… Mutta kai sitä on jotenkin pää jo valmistautunut tulevaan, että sitä on ihan jo “lähtökuopissa”!

Ja näin Äiti B:nä olen huomannut yhtäkkiä että erinäiset “äidilliset tunteet” ovat alkaneet puskea pintaan nyt jo kun kuuntelen ja tunnustelen masua… Ja kun kuvittelin pitkään että “ei mulla koskaan sellasia tule…kun en haluu koskaan olla itse raskaanakaan…”.. No nyt voi sanoa ettei koskaan pidä sanoa ei koskaan… 😀 (paitsi sen suhteen että en koskaan tule olemaan raskaana, se on 100% varma!).

Mutta tämä saattaa myös johtua siitä että aikaisemmin en ole potenut minkäänlaista vauvakuumetta, ja olen ollut parisuhteissa joiden toinen osapuoli ei ole halunnut lapsia tai ei olisi myöskään halunnut olla raskaana… Ja toisaalta ehkä asia on itsellänikin kypsynyt vasta tässä muutaman vuoden aikana ja “vasta nyt” oli oikea aika… (Eli hieman yli kolmekymppisenä, kun toisethan hankkivat/saavat lapsia jo juuri täytettyään 20…).


Now it’s week 34 so a little under 7 weeks to due date! Feelings are a bit like during those first 12 weeks (though then it was more like “will this baby stick and will we pass that 12 week date”). Now it’s already waiting for when Mommy A is gonna “pop” 😀

I never thought that the end of the pregnancy would also be emotionally a bit rough. I knew already before we got that BFP, that when we’re gonna get that, those first 12 weeks will bee tough… But no baby book or internet article told me/us that it’s gonna be/can be also just as hard during the last 1 or 2 months…

And to my personal surprise, I’ve already started feeling “mommy feelings” even I’m not the gestational mom… I’ve been thinking the whole time, that those feelings would really start to show up after the baby is born… And the reality that “we actually have a baby” would kick in only then and not sooner! I’ve never had an actual “baby fever” like “We must have a kid!”